I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
