Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
