why do cheetos always look like penises
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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