Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
