WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
How's work?
Spinning.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
