He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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