God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
