the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
