I feel like abortions should bother me more
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
