I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
