he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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