2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
