Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I love you. Go after that dick
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
