Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
