my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
