youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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