fuck your aforementioned shoe
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
