You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Randomize
