Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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