I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
