Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
