Have you finally orgasmed yet?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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