had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
