Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
