last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
