We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
