Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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