I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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