it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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