where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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