There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
