U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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