he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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