did you get engaged???
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
