so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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