Just took my morning after pill in the library
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
