I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
there is glitter all over my balls
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