just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
