we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
