are you so shy because you have an std?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
