I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
