I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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