Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
