Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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