we're chasing vodka with high fives
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
