theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
