what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You made out with two different species that night
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
