SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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