I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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