Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
