alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
