Got a toothbrush?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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