shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
she told me i tasted like america
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
