so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The Olympian is in my bed
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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