well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
